I originally wrote this for
WEGO Health but it's weighing on me so I'm posting it here too:
I'm tired. I'm frustrated. Right now I'm the bad guy, or at least that's how I feel I'm being perceived. Maybe I am the bad guy. I have a feeling I'm about to get badder.
Being a food allergy parent isn't easy. I know
I've covered this before. And a few weeks ago I wrote about a
field trip for my food allergic child that ended up having a happy ending. Sometimes when trying to keep our kids safe we aren't always sure what is the correct thing to do. Yes, medically we do...for the most part. But not always socially.
Concerned Dad wrote a post about ice cream being served on his son's field trip. I didn't comment because I didn't really think he was looking for what I had to say. I feel for him. I just don't agree with him (I agree with him, I just don't completely agree with him). But others did agree with him so I guess that means they don't agree with me.
Now there is another field trip at my sons school in a few weeks. And this is a field trip that is 45 minutes away and NO parent chaperons go, only teachers and older students. I sent an email to the teacher asking for clarification on who would be with my son, who would have the Epi Pen, etc. and I got a not so warm and fuzzy response back. I wasn't questioning the teachers ability to take care of my child (in school the teacher is great) but this is a different setting and I feel I have a right, no I feel it is my job as his mother, to ask. I'm not sure he is going to be allowed to go on this field trip but I need information and a place to start basing my opinions on this before I outright veto it.
What is the appropriate age for a food allergic child to go on a field trip without his/her parent? I don't have an answer here. I wish I did. My son is five years old. For me, five years old is not that age. Five is young. Five doesn't know how to take care of himself and his food allergies. He can't advocate for himself. His teacher is there and his teacher knows about his allergies, but his teacher has never seen an allergic reaction. His teacher has never used the Epi Pen. And it's 45 minutes away so if something happened and I needed to get to a hospital, it would take me a while (this has nothing to do with age and everything to do with Mama Stress).
If I don't let him go, I'm singling him out. I'm telling him "You're different because of your food allergies". But he is, isn't he? He's going to have to learn that now, isn't he? No one wants to see our children be disappointed. But he's disappointed every day, isn't he? Every time he asks to go to Chuck E Cheese's and I say "No, you're allergic to wheat", he's disappointed. When he wants to stop at the ice cream shop and I say "No, there is nothing for you there", he's disappointed. But saying NO to this trip isn't just disappointment, it's an admission that he's different and there are things that he just can't do. Do I roll the dice and let him go and pray that everything will be OK? Do I show up at the location like a stalker and hang out "just in case"? I can handle the disappointment. He can handle the disappointment. But can he handle the fact that he's different and that he's left out? I think we're going to find out...
Please leave comments over at
WEGO Health to keep the conversation going.